My fiancée is fighting with me again :)

There are some things in my life I just can’t understand. My fiancée picking up fight with me was one of them. I really couldn’t understand why she loved fighting with me. She has been fighting with me since last 10 years (since we met in college), and her fighting spirit hadn’t seized a bit, on the contrary, it had improved over the period of time.

At first I thought, may be I say or do things which may be irritating or annoying because of which she got upset (I am sometimes guilty of that), but then on second thought I felt like – “No, it can’t be that”. For how could I explain her behavior on last Valentine Day (2009), the last-to-last Valentine Day (2008), the last-to-last-to-last Valentine Day (2007), last-to-last… when I was the best of myself.

To put things simply, from year 2000 to year 2006, I have been spoiling her with roses and chocolates when finally I said to myself, “Enough Boss, we are no longer college goers. No roses and definitely no chocolates, she mustn’t put up weight and spoil her figure”. So, in year 2007, there were no chocolates, no roses, and candle light dinner was also not an option as I was going through a lean phase, just her and I, on the beach was my idea of a perfect Valentine Day. And then I came to realize that I had just committed one of my gravest mistakes – assuming that grown up girls don’t need Public Display of Affection, also known as PDA; they need PDAs even if they become a granny. I was fire-fighting the next whole week. Since, then every Valentine has been an agni-pariksah for me.

So, I thought, she must be a bellicose that only can justify why she is so eager to fight with me. But bellicose or whatever, we have committed to each other, and that’s what mattered. So everything was going fine, till one day, when we had a fight. I never loose my temper but somehow I lost it then. I squarely blamed her for picking fights with me for no apparent reason and troubling me like anything. I never meant what I was saying, it was just in the heat of moment that I was saying. I continued my ranting for 2 minutes but she stood quietly saying nothing. Then suddenly tears came in her eyes. I can’t tell what I felt then. It was like you suddenly loose all your anger and start feeling so sorry. I just hugged her tightly in my arms. That was all I could do. A moment later, it seemed everything was fine again. But somehow I felt like she had not recovered from the hurt and was hiding it by trying to be her normal self.

I was right. After that incident, she simply shunned fighting with me. She became all the more caring. For the first few weeks, I thought she needed time to recover to her usual self, but nothing happened. Two months passed, and still no fight. I was becoming a little restless. May be I have become so used to her fighting that I was “sort-of” missing it. It was fun to win her over after every argument we had. So when one more month passed, I decided to take matters into my hand, I decided to provoke her to anger. It was her birthday and we met and I pretended that I have forgotten that it was her birthday. I was sure she will be angry like anything on knowing that I have forgotten her birthday. But surprisingly, I could feel no such thing. She was very happy having my company. Half an hour passed and I started feeling guilty about this stupid thing which I was doing.

She took my hands, and we crossed the road, and sat at the sea-promenade. She suddenly opened a small box which she was carrying with her and picked a piece of dhokla and put it to me. She knew I liked dhokla very much and would often bake it for me. But this time it was a very emotionally charged moment for me. I took a bite and she took the rest. I could hold my self no more.

Days passed and I felt burdened for what I felt I was responsible. When you are in a relationship, you loose yourself to your loved one and you loose it willingly. But I never wanted her to change in anyway; I liked her the way she was, spirited, bubbly, ready to fight with me for no reasons and then wanting me to woo her, being so caring whenever I was down.

I don’t why but whenever we met, I felt guilt ridden. I couldn’t say anything to her because in a relationship things are not said but felt. May be I could somehow put it across that I didn’t mean a damn thing of whatever I have said to her, that she should be her old self.

It was spring again for me, when I simply missed that it was Valentine Day this year and my fiancée fought with me like anything and I liked every bit of it.